"Manliness" has to be just about the biggest single piece of bullshit emotional baggage that men carry. Men have hungrily abused both substances and other humans in general throughout history for the purposes of manliness. Men are drowned in this shit from the time they are children, and I'm sad to say many of us don't get through it unscarred to become actual human people. Men die sooner than women in its mindless service. In celebration of the incredibly stupid-ass concept of manliness, I'd like to list a few of my favorite things that are manly enough to put fucking hair on your chest:
- Wife beating
- Rape
- Misogyny of other unspecified types (see: referring to women by any term other than women, "LET'S GO GET SOME BITCHES")
- Homophobia (see: gay bashing, assault, fucking murder)
- Inferiority complex (see: giant Earth-devouring trucks, sports cars)
- Fear of intimacy (see: "she actually wants me to TALK to her")
- Repression of emotion, subsequent depression, alcoholism, murder-suicides
- Lack of meaningful heterosexual relationships (see: man whoring, "LET'S GO GET SOME BITCHES")
- Lack of intimate friendships of any kind (see: "dudes don't talk about that stuff," repressed homosexuality)
- The goddamn fucking back-clap hug
- Every fucking thing about That Guy (see: you know EXACTLY who I am talking about, "LET'S GO GET SOME BITCHES")
- "Masculine" play fighting (see: dudes who can't actually fight but feel like they have to try, also repressed homosexuality AGAIN)
- Excessive Bible thumping about only MANLY concepts (see: Church of Christ, "barefoot and pregnant")
- Disgusting conception of sexuality (see "old enough to bleed, old enough to breed," "LET'S GO GET SOME BITCHES")
- The phrase "LET'S GO GET SOME BITCHES" or its usage
- The continuing existence of Hummers: not the sex act, the fucking mega-huge, cock-substitute trucks (see: penis enlargement pills, creams, surgeries, magic spells)
GO MANLINESS!!! I NEED A BEER AND A SHOTGUN!!!
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