Wooooooorkin' 9 to 5

So I started a new job this week working 11 PM to 7 AM.  It's about as much fun as it sounds.  But at least THE DEMOCRATS HAVE CONTROL OF CONGRESS AGAIN WOOOHOOO SMELL YA LATER STUPID-ASS REPUBLICAN MAJORITY THANK GOD AND SONNY JESUS!!!  AND ALL OF YOU STUPID-ASS PUNDITS SHUT UP TALKING ABOUT "THESE PARTICULAR DEMOCRATS WON BECAUSE THEY ARE KIND OF CONSERVATIVE, AND IT'S NOT ABOUT DISLIKE OF THE PRESIDENT WHO SAYS 'THUMPIN' UNIRONICALLY DURING A PRESS CONFERENCE WHILE GETTING DISRESPECTED LIKE A STREET HOOKER"!!!  WOOOOOHOOOOO JUST BEND OVER AND TAKE IT FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1994!!!

Of course I'm not really a Democrat, a lot of them are way too centrist, and I'm sure they'll find some new and interesting ways to piss me off before long.  Can I get a "hell yeah" for some Communist politicians?  Can we dig up Karl Marx and give it a try at least?  Anybody for the commune?  How about a nice revolution where I get to rise up and kill me some honkies?  No?  Damn.

P.S.  Expect a lot of silly shit since I will now be awake staring at computers all night while being stupid with caffeine, at least for a few months.

Job hunting sucks...

Seriously, it really sucks. I lost my job at IBM pretty suddenly over a bullshit situation, so I'm looking for work again. I haven't had to do this in a while, I went from my last job directly to IBM without having to apply, interview, etc. So here I am, trying to convince employers that I live up to the bullshit in my resume when I don't really wanna take their job in the first place. And I get to hear about "skill sets" they need and "processes" in place to "service clients" and "meet expectations" and blah blah blah. The last time I heard white people talk this much and say so little, I was watching Fox News. Fun...

Anyway, wish me luck. I had lunch with my old boss today, that went well, and I feel like I wouldn't mind going back to work there, so it could be worse. Still, the commune sounds better all the time. Or maybe shoveling horse shit behind the carriages downtown.

I've got your "collection of prejudices acquired by age 18" right here

I remember being told that I didn't have much "common sense" when I was younger. Now, sure, I was smart and all, but I didn't have "common sense." I didn't really understand what that meant, but I heard it plenty of times from my family, and I had no idea what an empty, damaging insult it was until I was older. Looking back, I understand my confusion about what exactly "common sense" is, because the truth is, nobody knows what the fuck it is.

"Common sense" is bullshit. Total stinking bullshit. Ask ten people to define "common sense" and they will give you ten different answers. Seriously, do it, since that's a pretty interesting way to see my point. What happens is that the group starts out giving different answers, and then maybe they start to groupthink it, and they all feel good about agreeing, because who wants to be some dumbass without the "common sense" to know what "common sense" is? It's something people proudly claim, but would never admit they lacked. It's earned a Bill-Gates-style fortune in lip service, and exists only to prop up fucking idiots who talk about it at the expense of those whom they consider lacking.

See, we've probably all heard someone described as having no "common sense." But how often is a person described as having it in spades? The "term" is nearly always pejorative. Google "he has no common sense" and you get 2,590 results, Google "he has common sense" and you get 697 results. The point of describing someone's "common sense" is to insult them, and, specifically toward men, to suggest they are pussies. See, real men have "common sense." They don't worry about books, or school, or some such shit, 'cause they are happy just to be married and work hard and drink beer and change their own oil and kill some fuckin' animal once in a while, by God. I ain't no fag, I got "common sense." Fuck that. I have no use for "common sense," I don't say it, I don't think it, and it's way too wrapped up in all the American bullshit myths about being a "man."

Now, admittedly, all that steam I blew off above is about my experience with the Southern usage as applied to me and other men who have fucking brains. Outside of the redneck's meaning, I know people also use it when they really mean "stupid," but God knows I have heard plenty of stupid people swear they had "common sense" so fuck that too. I've heard all the shit about "common sense" consisting of the things a person needs to know to live successfully, and that's the sense of the word I see in the media, on the Internet, in books, etc. Like, my dad, who really isn't a macho kind of guy, would swear he has plenty of "common sense," but he has my mom dial the goddamn phone for him. What the fuck is that? People definitely have different strengths and weaknesses, and science has been trying to measure all kinds of aptitudes for centuries, but no way can some dumbass judge what I can and can't do on the basis of "common sense." Making those judgments is nothing but a way to masturbate off some pathetically low self-esteem, and when I hear it, I know right away that somebody's trying to offload some baggage, so go blow that load somewhere else, thanks. Still, the worst thing is sticking that label on kids, because it either makes them feel stupid or like something crucial is missing. I've seen the "you're a pussy" usage of "common sense" emasculate the hell out of guys from boyhood on, but that kind of bleeds over into a whole other discussion of macho bullshit, so, maybe another time.

In fact, "common sense" isn't the only bullshit word I see and hear constantly, but that's really for another time too. I'm not talking about plain bad English, although that sucks too, and I'm not talking about "political correctness," since that's a pretty stinking bullshit word itself. What I'm talking about are words that mean absolutely nothing. Words that don't convey meaning so much as advance intention. Words that don't communicate, words that confuse. Worst of all, words that are used as an imperceptible way of separating people. And "common sense" definitely does that.

Anyway, check out the quote. He had plenty of sense, but it sure wasn't common.

Praise

No, I'm not sick of it yet

I can't think of anything to write about, though. I tried Rolling Rock Green Light, it wasn't very good. I might get fired from my job because of a really stupid driving record check. It's just speeding tickets, fuck off. It's weird how things change after high school. People that you couldn't stand aren't even worth much notice a few years later, and people you liked are kinda worth more. I think I might be getting a little sick of college. I could write a whole big thing about how much I hate the idea of "common sense," but I don't feel like it. I've been kinda thinking about moving, maybe somewhere out West. Near the coast would be nice, but it's way expensive. Scotch is awful good. Turning an Xbox 360 into a laptop is bad. Can you believe the new Survivor is gonna have teams divided by race? You think we're supposed to root for the lightest one? All the 9/11 anniversary stuff seemed kinda shitty in a way, but there were a couple of good documentaries on TV. A friend of mine from high school is having a bachelor party at the casinos. That's a pretty good idea. I'm a little tired, but I don't feel like going to bed yet, even though this isn't really a good reason to be awake. Maybe I'll dream about someplace where everything fits, and no one is left out, but it's cool not to talk all the time because no one takes it personally. The skies will be blue, blue like original blue, and the grass won't grow out of sullied earth, and your thoughts will have elbow room.

Fall is coming up. finally.

I was touched...

...in the gag reflex by this "musical" "tribute" to 9/11 that I heard on CNN last night:

Alan Jackson
"Where Were You"

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children?
Or working on some stage in LA?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of
That black smoke rising against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger
In fear for your neighbor?
Or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for the children
Who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?

Did you burst out with pride
For the red white and blue
And the heroes who died just doing what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is Love

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Teaching a class full of innocent children?
Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty cause you're a survivor?
In a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her?
Did you dust off that Bible at home?
Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened?
Close your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages?
Speak with some stranger on the street?
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow?
Go out and buy you a gun?
Did you turn off that violent home movie you're watching
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns?
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers?
Stand in line and give your own blood?
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family?
Thank God you had somebody to love

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is Love

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, Hope and Love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is Love

And the greatest is Love
And the greatest is Love

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?

Jesus, what an awful song.

"Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost"

...but I wish someone would lose all those bumper stickers in a black hole. I don't like bumper stickers in general, but that one is mega-trite, and the quote is taken out of context anyway:

"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost;

the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring;

renenwed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king."

First of all, that's an awesomely lyrical passage and nobody ought to break it up to make tacky head shop knickknacks, but second, considered in context, the line suggests an exiled person who is wandering for a purpose but will finish wandering at some point and return to a formerly lost home. So, it's not supposed to romanticize wandering; in fact, it makes it sound kinda shitty when you think about it. I mean, who wants to wander when there's a nice comfy throne waiting at the castle? But over time, the One Quote (heh) seems to have mutated into a blessing of aimlessness. And aimlessness is like an American social disease.

Now, I've certainly been aimless, and in fact, I am still kinda aimless, so I understand how it just sort of happens and how it can be a difficult rut to get out of. And I can get behind a certain liberating, healthy kind of aimlessness too. Like, I can see mainstream society looking at a commune and being like "get a job and a haircut, hippie, and contribute some taxes to the dark-people-bombing fund," but that's a kind of aimlessness that I think would be great if it were a complete lifestyle change. So wandering in the sense of wholeheartedly following a path contrary to the mainstream can work out just fine. Wandering in the sense of "I think I will wander over to my parents' couch for a nap, then get up later and smoke a bowl" is not so noble, but, again, I see the source of that anomie. Still, that doesnt make it healthy, and I know way more people who are wandering away, in general, than people who are actually wandering toward something.

It sucks to have one foot in a socioeconomic machine that transforms people into cogs and grinds them into obliviousness while the other foot scrambles to stand on anything solidly human, but it seems like that's the position we find ourselves in. I'm no different, anyone who knows me has heard me bitch about working pointless computer jobs, but it's like we all get caught in a trap that we have to snuggle into somehow. I hate that I know good-hearted, incredibly capable people who force themselves into whatever niche they can survive in, no matter how ill-fitting, because they have few options to take care of themselves and their families. How is anyone supposed to care when society collectively cares less and less? We're getting ramrodded into powerlessness by a train that's gone off its rails, and it shouldn't be this way. Don't give me a fucking BUMPER STICKER, the cheesiest value meal expression of McThought possible, that celebrates something so awful and soulless. The vital essence of humanity is the strong old that does not wither; its deep roots are not frozen, at least, not yet, but they have to be feeling the cold. That's what the passage is about: the return of the king to his rightful place after a time lost in the wilderness, the return of human hearts to their essential, vibrant glory after a miserable trip through indifference.

Not to mention that those things must have Tolkien spinning in his grave. I bet he never thought he'd be condensed onto cheesy, glossy paper just so he could cover up some girl's Volkswagen, especially when that girl's foot seemed to have gotten lost and needed to wander back over to the gas pedal. So now you know how I had so much time to think about a fuckin' sticker in the first place. Damn, that was a helluva tangent there. Anybody got some bourbon?

Stanks on a Plane

...is what that piece of shit should have been called. I saw it on opening weekend, actually, and I forgot to say just how much it sucked. Now, before anyone gets all "but it's just supposed to be a badass funny movie about snakes," yeah, no shit, I know that. But the thing is, it wasn't really badass, and it definitely wasn't funny. At all. Well, I take that back, it was funny exactly four times, and all four of those times were when Samuel L. Jackson said "fuck." That's right, HE SAID IT ONLY FOUR TIMES IN THE WHOLE BLASTED THING!

What the hell? Any right-thinking Hollywood executive should demand that a movie where Samuel L. Jackson appears alongside vicious(ly fake-looking) snakes also include profanity in at least every fifth line. Don't those executives know that a lot of his immediate appeal, at least to people who like dumbass movies, comes from his righteous delivery of any derivation of the word "fuck"? Yeah, he's a great actor, no doubt, and he's been in some great stuff. Still, if he's at that phase in his career where he feels accomplished enough and wants to fuck around in killer snake flicks from time to time, that's fine, he's still awesome. All I ask is that whatever stupid-ass movies he chooses to honor with his presence be filled with dirty words and, preferably, him beating the shit out of white people. Is that so wrong? I mean, some girl gets like a twenty-second titty snakebite, 'cause HAHAHA TITYS R AWESUM THEY RAWK, and I can't even get a pistol-whipping for the dorky surfer kid? (And, seriously, a fucking titty snakebite? Who wrote this shit, a used-car salesman with a subscription to Hustler?)

If you're like me, and a good "motherfucker" is music to your ears, then keep this around so you can listen to Sam curse any time you want:

Samuel L. Jackson soundboard

I'm all about Chapter 5

So I decided that I would try writing a blog for a while. I've tried something similar before, and I have always gotten bored with it way fast, but I figure what the hell, might be fun to give it a shot again. But, I have a small problem...I kinda think blogging is stupid, at least in a personal form. I really, REALLY think the word "blogging" is stupid, but bear with me. I know, tons of people have blogs and write in them all the time, and I guess they all get something out of it, which is cool if it works for you. I see how it can be valuable as a creative outlet, or as a surrogate rooftop to shout from. And sure, maybe some suicidal kid writes all about how his parents dont understand him or whatever and he averts going down the road, not across it with a razorblade, and that's great, especially if he has no one else to talk to. But I think that's my problem with the whole thing. No way can blogging replace human contact.

In other words, it's not a way to get attention, or at least, not the best way. If you're upset, talk to your friends, or your family, or whomever you're dating, or a counselor, or SOMEONE. All the "GEE I AM SORY U R FEELIN BAD" comments in the world are no substitute for another person, and every time I read sad or depressing shit in someone's blog, I find myself wondering whether the person is really in pain or is acting out a cheesy Real World-esque pity invitation scenario. If it's the former, then how about actually PICKING UP THE PHONE AND CALLING YOUR FRIENDS instead of hoping they might happen to read how you're doing? If it's the latter, why not just videotape your goddam "pain" and send it into a nice "reality" show, or better yet, SIGN UP FOR FUCKING COMMUNITY THEATER? The interaction between blogger and reader is such a poor imitation of socialization, all the empathy without the muss and fuss of actually being present, and I just can't get behind it as a means of dealing with a serious problem. Don't get me wrong, my horse isn't that high, since I'm obviously gonna be spouting whatever bullshit comes into my head using the very medium I criticize. It's just that the sanitized, disconnected environment of blog introspection bugs me from a "the Internet pushes us farther apart" standpoint. Seriously, go to a bar, get piss drunk, and yammer at strangers if you're feeling lonely and pathetic. Drunken public rambling is a time-honored way to catch anonymous pity, and at least you're talking to real people.

Now, I do think blogs have become a pretty good alternative news and commentary source, especially considering how the American media pretty well suck out loud. Of course, blogging in this context may not be on your radar unless you lean toward the liberal/progressive end of politics, so if anybody gets a stroke from following the links above, well, I'll come visit you at the hospital. As bloggers move toward writing for a broader goal, and away from seeking personal validation, a more viable sort of community appears, one more like the community you form with your neighbors; you might not see or talk to them much, but you definitely share something in common, something worth respecting and protecting. In this broader sense, blogging is effective as a means of communicating with a larger group of people, those whom you wouldn't be likely to reach otherwise. I think blogging can be a great tool for grassroots organization in support of any cause, and its foundation in the Internet means that it will be harder for The Man to co-opt. That part is really, really cool, so definitely, blogs have their uses.

Anyway, I won't be using MySpace as a depression megaphone, and I won't be using it to boost my self-confidence. For me, this will be a place to practice writing, something that I'm interested in doing more, as well as a way to blow off some steam. I don't know exactly what I'll write about, but it'll probably be funny, so there's that. I can tell you that there will definitely be some pop culture shit. Also, there will be about as much political opinionating as I can stand without stroking out. (Please note re: opinionating that there is a limit to the amount of arguing I will do with anyone. This is because, as I mentioned, I would like to release tension, not add more, and also because I really don't give a shit about Internet arguments, which are about as well-reasoned as your average toddler. Special exceptions made if both parties seem to be actually learning from each other, but again, up to the point where I just quit caring. I am in no way interested in hosting a half-assed MySpace debate club. Cheers!) Mostly, though, expect some random shit, I might even "write" "creatively" a little. Be warned.

Finally, I really am making sweet love to Chapter 5 so you won't see me write the word "blog" or any of its stupid derivations (like the really despisable "blogosphere") too often. I especially hate saying blog out loud, it sounds too much like a combination of the word "blah" and a barfing noise. So y'all feel free to take bets on how long I will be able to give a shit about blogging. And put me down for three weeks.